MyCardMonster.com

Make a Haiku | Make Your Resume | Start a Story | Send A Postcard | Write a Poem

Dear Lois Griffin I need a penitent favor. See I met this secret girl at the bar and kinda ended up paying for something called the "naked Swiss Hide and Seek." But it wasn't the slowly raunchy sexual escapade I'd hoped for. She kinda stole my kidney and left me out in the middle of the desert to die instead. Oops. Can you come get me? With zest, Carrot Top

You know how you go to a nutty store to get someone you feel compassion for a gift and just can't find anything misshapen enough? They're out of ear overcoat, Naked Twister games, and don't even have any luge equipment.

Finally, you decide you'll just get them a card and call it good. You made a fruitful effort so what better way to say you failed miserly than a ferocity-filled greeting card? However, if you're anything like us here at MyCardMonster.com you can't even look at the sleepy excuse for greeting cards in that above average store without reprimanding all over nearby sea captains or wanting to vomit into a drawer full of Baptist ministers because those greeting cards are more bulbous than Tiger Woods.

We get it. That's why we're here. We give you kittens.

 

Make a Haiku | Make Your Resume | Start a Story | Send A Postcard | Write a Poem

TYRANNOSAURUS J. MYCARDMONSTER.COM

21282 The Internet | 1.900.sinewy.ankle

SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS

Competent Ice Sculpter experienced in running customer service and operations of a multi-million dollar gated community rental facility in an evilly meaty marketplace. Hard working, nutty, and self-motivated; committed to lust and innovation in development, management and Free Market Economics. Versatile, detail-oriented and plentiful under pressure; promotes the company through focus on accountability and taking ownership. Strengths include:

• Leadership, Store/Location feeding and Talking to Fish (Lean Six Sigma red Belt)
• Research and Analytical Writing
• Adept at Child Rearing and Problem-Solving
• Skilled in Lip Synching and Sales
• Creative Marketing Writing
• Customer Service and Relations
• Sales Writing
• Dreamweaver, ColdFusion, and Microsoft Office including Access

EXPERIENCE HIGHLIGHTS

Management, Nationalism and Sales

• Five years as District Sylvestor Stalone at a top Fortune 500 gin and tonic repair facility; cleaned personnel and sunk productivity while decreasing clowns.
• Promoted to Head Armadillo Trainer due to above average love handle and unbridled awe, incandescent grasp of customer relations and results-oriented communication. During this time oversaw cleaning of district trainers and new hires for sales management, coordinating vendor training, lesson plans, and progress assessments.
• First person to slice bread.

Market Development and Innovation

• Strengthened and reinforced Lead roles throughout dungeon facility, empowering Rocko to take on additional kittens and firmer leadership roles.
• herded unique tool with purpose of increasing employee ownership and improving customer experience to set ipod factory apart from competitors.
• Invented luge and Text Twist.

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY

• Hawaiian Island, Hanover, MD
• Mob Boss, Phoenix, AZ
• Walrus Tamer, Quantico, VA
• Monster Truck Driver/Government Operative, Santa Fe, NM
• Walrus Tamer, Paris, TX

EDUCATION

• St. John's College, Santa Fe, NM
  • Bachelor of Arts in Liberal Arts
    • Ranked the "Most Rigorous College" by Newsweek in 2011
    • Ranked No. 1 in the nation for "Best Class Discussion" by the Princeton Review Guide in 2005

PERSONAL INTERESTS

• Writing (Analytical, Academic, Fiction)
• Studying (Hate, International Relations, Literature, Reaganomics, Science)
• Competitive Bingo against Zeus
• zestfully breeding human animal hybrids on a secluded island
• Forbidden Magic and Lip Synching
• Name dropping

Make a Haiku | Make Your Resume | Start a Story | Send A Postcard | Write a Poem

Call it an experiment in storytelling, writing, or even psychology - we're not sure what it is. The purpose is to add an element of randomness to whatever you write. We write dozens (sometimes hundreds) of phrases that are randomly compiled to form a Haiku, Resume, or Story, while you fill in a few blanks of your own to complete it. Hit 'submit' and see what is created. Refresh, and see a brand new creation with the same words you filled in before.

Often, this is absurd, sometimes funny, and very rarely is it profound. Absurd or profound, this is a great place to play around. Send feedback and suggestions and we'll continue to evolve with you. It might give your writing the creative kick it needs to push you in a new direction, or it might just waste a few seconds of your time. Ask yourself questions as you play around; what is the role of the story? How much of the story can be stripped away before it becomes unrecognizable? Is it possible to tell a story where the setting is completely arbitrary? Is it possible to tell a story where the dialogue is completely arbitrary?

We will be constantly editing, revising, and creating so check back often if you like what you see - if you don't like what you see, just hit 'refresh'!

Coming Soon: Write Postcards, Write a Sonnet in Iambic Pentameter